I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Only a mothe r could love this liver
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
