I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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