Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
