How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
