just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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