I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
