my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
