actually, I'm a sock model
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
