we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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