another moral hangover. fuck.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
