FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
