The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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