I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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