I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
