May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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