My nipple is on Facebook.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
