I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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