forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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