Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
