I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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