I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
