nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
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