i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
