I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
