I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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