when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
