just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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