Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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