is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
