Don't make out with my wife yet
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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