I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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