Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
