My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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