My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it's like heaven, but drunker
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
