So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize