Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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