he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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