Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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