On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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