I hate all girls vehemently.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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