I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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