Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
