I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
