...so i touched it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
