No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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