Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
