I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
