birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize