I look better un-naked...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
