So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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