We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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