Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
