I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
