no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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