she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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