now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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