O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm like, not good at living.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
