really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
