Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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