it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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