My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
please come you make the beer taste better
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
