I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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