You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Randomize
