cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
