do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize