I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
