Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
