Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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