White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
