I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
