after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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