I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
