There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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