I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
