I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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