i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
