wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
