Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
