U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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