I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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