the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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