You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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