The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
