I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize