Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
