i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
