woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
