I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
