i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My pussy is not your playground.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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