I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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