the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
