walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
