Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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